This is our Reality

Written by Carol Baan and submitted by Jadi Lewis

I hope you never have to hear the words, “Your child has cancer.”

I hope you never have to hear, “The prognosis is not good.”

I hope you never have to prepare to undergo radiation or chemotherapy, have a port surgically inserted into their chest, be connected to IV poles.

Look at you with fear in their eyes and say, “Don’t worry Mommy, everything will be okay.’

I hope you never have to hold your child as they vomit green bile.

I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.

I hope you never have to watch the “cure” you pray for slowly take away their identity, as they

Lose their hair,

Become skeletal,

Swell up from steroids,

Develop severe acne,

Become barely or unable to walk or move,

And look at you with hope in their eyes and say,

“It’s going to be okay, Mommy.”

I hope that you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks, months, or years at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, with your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.

I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled, in a dark hospital corridor…crying quietly, after just being told, “There is nothing more we can do.”

I hope you never have to watch a family wander aimlessly, minutes after their child’s body has been removed.

I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope and fear, overwhelm you.

I hope you never have to see a child’s head bolted to the table as they receive radiation.

I hope you never have to take your child home (grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo and radiation has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred.

And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, “It’s going to be okay Mommy.”

I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck beside you and hear them say, “Thank God that is over with,”…because you know it never will be.

Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests and MRI’s and you try to get your life back to “normal”.

While living in mind-numbing fear that any one of those tests could result in hearing the dreaded words…

“The cancer has returned” or “The tumor is growing.”

And your friends become even fewer.

I hope you never have to experience any of these things…Because…only then…

Will you understand…

Author: Carol Baan


  1. Made me examine my life – and yes – these words are sooo accurate, can I add the bit where you beg your child to go to be with Jesus because his frail and overtaken body just can’t take anymore. xxx

  2. I have read this many times and cry and cry each time. I have heard many of these statements and I completely understand. I wish we could all wake up and this nightmare would be over. Love and strength to all. xxxxxxxxx

  3. Bless your heart, my granddaughter was diagnosed with cancer at age 4. And I felt all of your pain and I do understand what you have gone through. So far God has blessed us and she has been in remission for 4 yrs. this Dec. One of the most
    difficult things was when I had taken her for a clinic visit and she said to me “grandma what if the cancer doesn’t go away?” I asked her “What do you mean?” and she said.. “then I would be dead”, she got the saddest look on her little face and she told me that she would miss me.

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